On passive aggression

On passive aggression

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Passive aggression
Millions of dollars in losses have occurred in the world's leading hotels due to equipment damage, damage to facilities and common objects broken, damaged or lost accidentally or unintentionally.

Silverware is lost in homes, dishes are broken and everyday products (food, cleaners, etc.) are wasted in the same way. In families, parents' complaints are famous when they demand their children to fulfill certain tasks and what they receive is a lackluster. Ya vaaaa! ... On other occasions, the boy is slow to despair and every morning parents are exasperated when they notice the laziness and the decision with which he prepares to leave for school and the dissatisfaction with which he assumes his school duties.


  • 1 Passive aggression or rebellion in the home
  • 2 Elements generating passive aggression
  • 3 If you feel victim of the passive aggression of others

Passive aggression or rebellion at home

There are innumerable examples that we can give of similar situations in which spontaneous collaboration cannot be achieved, or where accidental damage occurs inexplicably due to lack of experience in the use of work materials, negligence and carelessness in the precautions to be taken. previously.

The common thread that unites all these situations is nothing more than a internal and unconscious force called aggression or passive rebellion.

The passive-aggressive character is structured as a result of the individual's inability to satisfactorily resolve a conflict with the authority, or with an adverse condition to which he is defenseless, and ends up falling into a resignation full of rage and frustration.

His aggressive expression, then, is constrained by the threat of negative consequences and seeks other ways to manifest.

The best example we can give to illustrate this phenomenon is that of a small child who, walking through a shopping center, stops enthusiastically at the window of a toy store and asks the mother to buy one that is fashionable or that he is particularly attracted to him. She cannot please him and urges him to continue on his way because he has to do another diligence quickly.

The child insists more and more strongly, believing that in this way he will achieve his purpose. The mother repeats that she cannot buy the toy and grabs him by the arm to separate him from the tempting display. He reiterates that he is in a hurry and that he did not come to buy anything extra.

The boy does not listen to her but instead despairs and begins to cry. She pulls him into the hall, but he rebels, cries and pleads, to which there is no choice but to use force and impose authority.

The end result will probably be a dramatic scene where a lady takes a small being by the arm who, while being dragged, cries, screams and tries to grab a column or a trash can and who, in any case will not be willing to collaborate so that the mother reaches her destination comfortably.

That is one expression of helplessness that someone feels when they experience the effect of an action imposed on them, and to which he has no winning option. He can finally accept his defeat, but at the bottom of his unconscious a desire for claim will surely remain latent, waiting for the moment to make his appearance.

That moment may be one where the vindictive response is part of a complex repertoire and it is not easy to prove it as intentional.

Falling asleep beyond the set time for comfortable family morning activities can be a way of protesting the imposition to go to class.

Breaking “unintentionally” a fine vase, which has already been pointed out as a valuable object to take care of. Knocking or scratching “accidentally” the door of a luxury car when the employee tries to park it in a restaurant or a car wash could be related to some kind of unconscious resentment on his part.

These statements do not mean that all wrong behaviors or that produce undesirable results are motivated by the aggressionpassive and that the person who executes them is condemnable in advance. What we want to point out is that we must carefully examine the way we act on occasion and review the style we use to impose our authority at any given time.

Elements generating passive aggression

  • Personality characteristics in obsessive - compulsive disorders.
  • Inflexible and unquestionable or imposed hierarchical hierarchical structures "without the right to kick."
  • Individuals subjected to derision, slavery or unsatisfactory working conditions.
  • Use of the person without their consent, or without taking into account their emotional world.
  • Individuals convinced of their physical, spiritual or social inferiority, either by belonging to a proscribed race or to a disadvantaged sector of society, or for particular reasons when faced with a situation that it considers superior to its forces.

If you manage to identify in yourself behaviors derived from a passive - aggressive position, examine the following points:

  1. In his upbringing did he have the opportunity to exercise his capacity to protest or was he the victim of an authoritarian father or mother, to whom there was no choice but to surrender unconditionally?
  2. Are you currently sufficiently evolved in the emotional sphere or do you still have child reactions to frustration?
  3. Are you usually satisfied with the results of your actions or do you feel you could get better benefits?
  4. Do you feel satisfied with your social status, at work or in your student activity?
  5. Do you think there is an authority above you that you consider unfair or abusive?
  6. Do you want to continue collaborating on the project in which you have included or would you prefer to move elsewhere?
  7. Are there valid reasons for you to want to assault someone in your environment?
  8. Do you think you can modify the factors that limit or subject you to effective action or are you resigned?
  9. If you think you deserve better life. Why have you not agreed to it?

If you have managed to make contact with the passive aggressiveness that you may have inside, analyze their operating schemes and update them. Perhaps the boss in front of him is not his enemy, nor an invincible titan but a person who does not know his job potentials, or someone who values ​​assertiveness and frontal communication instead of silent resignation.

Maybe you are not evaluated by others as inferior or as someone delectable, but those concepts are yours and must be overcome.

Think about whether you don't have the power to change your life and you haven't realized.

Perhaps the world is not to blame for what happens to you, but the opportunity has not yet come for you to favorably change your situation.

Get ready to think before acting negatively and find for yourself all the sources of satisfaction that are within your reach.

If you feel victim of the passive aggression of others

If you are a business owner or if you teach a classroom for "forgetful", "negligent" or saboteur boys. If it is a father or a mother who fails to obtain spontaneous collaboration or constantly bumps into the famous "Go!" And other objects scattered on the floor of his house. Check the following:

  • Are you yourself a passive person - aggressive?
  • Are you openly aggressive and taxable, and do you like things to be done "in your own way"?
  • Have you updated your activity scheme? Do you renew or use the same methods trying to get different results?
  • Do you maintain good communication with your subordinates?
  • Are you attentive to their needs or simply use their services?
  • Can you postpone the satisfaction of your wishes or your orders, or do you want things to be "done NOW"?
  • Before acting, does it take some time to reflect and analyze different options or simply "shoot first and find out later"?

Passive aggression can be very harmful, even for your health. Take the necessary actions to neutralize its effects before she puts you in an irreversible predicament.

If you cannot do anything about it, or if the strength of your impulses is greater than your ability to change behavior, then you should consider consulting with a specialized professional and improving your quality of life.

César Landaeta H
Clinical psychologist

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